Sunday, October 7, 2012

18 hours......??????

In my efforts to keep the blog updated I am writing.  But for the first time in ages I have little to report. This might be a good thing, since the 25th of January 2012 my whole life has changed and having nothing to tell means nothing is changing.

I even have routines in place!!!… Morning routines, school drop off routines, pick up routine, home routine, dinner and bed routines.  You will notice I don’t say much about the time in-between school drop off and pick up cause I have no idea what to do with the time. 

Now just to be clear, it’s not like I don’t have anything to do.  I have things I need to get done but … I have not had time ….. real me time, my own time, my own personal time in almost 6 years.  To be honest as I drop the kids off at school I sit in the car with my ‘have to do’ list running through my head and then…. Boom!!!! Gone!! I feel like a school girl who just got the day off school and did not tell her parents.

Now we are not (yet) talking about 5 days a week – I have Devin for two glorious days a week before the school system takes him from me next September.  So 18 hours a week I can do ANYTHING I WANT.  I have not yet got a job, or a national insurance number.  So what do you do when you can do anything you like. 

The answer … Nothing… I have done nothing but waste time!  In my efforts to use my time I land up wasting time.  Time just slips through my fingers (which kills me to waste time or not take opportunities)

The hardest thing I have been experiencing is how to spend time by myself again.  I have had 2 little people on me like an accessory for so long I don’t know what to wear if I can’t wear them. 

Part of me needs this time. I have had quite a crazy 10 years!  Lived in 4 countries, moved to 3 states, 2 kids, 3 deployments… and that’s just the headlines.  I look at all I have done and part of me just wants to stop!  Stop and enjoy silence! I am tired of figuring things out again (cause each country and state has new everything’s to figure out)

My life cycle feels as though it has gone from the most glorious summer I have ever seen to a winter which is stark.  So in seeing that, I have decided to enjoy the stark, enjoy the silence, and just take this time to recharge and replenish.  When spring comes again I will be ready !!!





Jean Rusch said...

I am so pleased that you are 'enjoying the winter'. It reminds me of a tree over my wall that the neighbour refuses to cut down. My lovely 'other' neighbour said, 'well, you just have to learn to love it' and that really resounded with me. Made so much SENSE! And here you are saying it too. How wonderful. The time goes so quickly with children - I risk being called 'old' in saying that - every second is precious. Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy! lots of love from Tannie Jean

Huse Yo Mama said...

YAY for just enjoying the stillness! I totally agree with that feeling of having on our accessories and then not knowing what on earth to do without them! It's time to be more than "just mommy" all the time! YAY!!!!! Back to you!!! I hope you find so many great new things you love to do!

Miss you, friend!

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